just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
