Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
