I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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