Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I believe in your delicious
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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