My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
