This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
