Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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