it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
