these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
