Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
