Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
