i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
