dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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