I bet he comes in French.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
