so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
