so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
