I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
