woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
