I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We got so high we made milksteak
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
