i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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