Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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