I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That accounts for only three of the penises
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
