After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
