every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
