I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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