thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize