HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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