Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
