I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
