You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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