i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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