Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
