"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
