Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Welp...herpes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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