Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
