Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
