I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
