SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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