And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
