Non-Jews are for practice
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
