I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
