I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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