I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
