Jerry, you need to find god
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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