there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
