For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
