I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
