How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
