when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize