Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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