Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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