If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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