im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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