pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
