I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
