ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
