Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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