Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
