so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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