i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
