My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
