I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
