Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
