No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
